The post Hello world! appeared first on My Blog.

I have always loved traveling and have been fortunate to visit a myriad of fabulous destinations from Nairobi to Nevada to New Orleans. However, the getting to and from the destination part of traveling has sometimes been so stressful I’ve occasionally been tempted to call off the trip.

According to the Travel Research Journal, fear of travel—in particular, flying—is fairly common. One of every six adult Americans, or 25,000,000 is afraid to fly although flying continues to be the safest form of travel.¹

Older research reflects my experience. A 2012 survey of 110 participants conducted by the journal Travel Analysis found the most stressful parts of travel are the planning stages.²

Stress-Free Travel?

Is Stress-Free Travel Possible?

I can relate. Not only am I am a terrible packer—second, third, and fourth guessing myself over which items to take and which to leave—I worry incessantly that I will forget to include essentials, or that if I have to check a bag it will be lost in transit.

On holidays, the pre-travel anticipation increases, knowing the gridlocked highways, super-crowded planes, stations, and hotels lie ahead. I don’t mind airplanes it’s the whole travel process that fills me with worry.

In 2007, David Lewis, an English neuropsychologist, likened passing through Heathrow Airport as equivalent to facing riots!(3) Last year my patient *Ann canceled her Christmas trip to visit family because she feared feeling overwhelmed and claustrophobic by the crowds.

Fortunately, there are much better ways to deal with pre-travel stress than staying home from Thanksgiving eve until New Year’s Day.

Nurture Yourself

Nurture Yourself Before You Go

Resist the urge to neglect the basics and not practice good self-care to have more time for trip planning and the chore of packing! Make the extra effort to get enough sleep, eat healthy, and get to the gym.

Don’t think, “I’ll be able to relax once I’m away from work/on vacation/with my loved ones,” and stress yourself to the bone beforehand. That stress will take a toll.

Avoid Insomnia

You Can Avoid Insomnia

Dreading everything that can go wrong on the way to your destination can lead to sleepless nights. When you start to ruminate, pop on a meditation! Check out Psycom’s list of 25 meditation resources, ranging from phone apps to YouTube videos.

When I begin obsessing, I remind myself of the hundreds of trips I’ve taken over the years and how even when there have been mishaps, things always worked out in the end, and I’ve had amazing experiences along the way.

Combat Phobias

Combat Travel-Related Phobias

Do you have a fear of flying?

• A flight attendant offered this suggestion: “Compare flying to being on a boat. The latter has waves that cause the ship to rock. Airplanes behave the same: invisible waves of air.”
• Bring objects with you that bring comfort—photos of your loved ones, a favorite blanket, or a scarf sprayed with your favorite perfume.
• Alert the flight attendants that you might need extra attention.
• Download some apps! There are tons of apps to help you feel calm, in general, and while traveling. Here, are some travel apps for nervous flyers.

Terrified of missing your flight?

Here are time-saving tactics:

• Be sure your boarding pass is on your phone or print them out beforehand.
• Don’t check a bag. Pack in a carry-on. Consider shipping large pieces of luggage ahead.
• Stay at the airport hotel or plan on getting to the airport an hour before the suggested arrival time.
• Take an early flight. The first flights of the day are least likely to be stuck on the runway.
• Enroll in TSA PreCheck or Global Entry and zoom to the head of the security lines.
• Pre-book airport transfers. The more you plan, the less nervous you will be.

Hate crowds?

• At its most severe, this is also known as enochlophobia. It is helpful to breathe calmly and deeply—taking slow, regular breaths through your nose, waiting a few seconds, than exhaling through your mouth.
• Stay focused on your goal—”Okay, I have to look for Gate 10,”–and just look straight ahead rather than the hoards rushing to their gates.
• Avoid crowds and long lines whenever possible: For example, book a car beforehand so you don’t get stressed at the rental counter upon arrival but can head directly to your assigned vehicle.

Social anxiety?

By nature, I prefer solitude but when I’m traveling I tell myself that meeting people I will likely never see again allows me to try on a different persona—the socially-bold Sherry. Plus, travel offers easy topics of conversation—asking for directions, sharing amazement at a superlative view or monument, and inquiring where the person is from…

All in The Planning

Don’t be a last minute Don or Dora:

• Make a master packing list on your computer or phone that you can keep referring to and adjust as needed. Here is the ultimate international packing list.
• Among the items you always need: toiletries, a first aid kit, emergency contact numbers, anti-bacterial wipes, travel-sized toothpaste, zip lock bags, a plastic rain poncho, an umbrella…
• If traveling with children, prepare sufficient toys, snacks, downloadable games, child seat covers, etc.
• Make a list of every conceivable task and purchase for the trip well in advance. For example, I discovered only days before an international trip that my passport required six months to expire to be usable. Mine had one month left, yikes! At rushmypassport you can expedite the renewal process.

Travel Sickness Aids

Don’t let motion sickness curb your adventurous spirit: Psi Bands are FDA-cleared and patented medical devices to relieve nausea linked to motion sickness.

Products that Promote Comfort and Ease Stress

*Please note I have not personally tried all these items but have heard good reports.

• These sugar-free hydration tablets are a traveler’s secret weapon, helping you feel healthy and alert when you arrive at your destination. Pop one before you leave for the airport.
• Infinity Pillow: for comfort no matter where you are!
• Noise-cancelling headphones can be a godsend for frequent fliers.
• Don’t waste precious prep time searching for lost keys with this helpful gadget.
• Relieve stress with CBD. Check out these Colorado-made craft-batch full spectrum hemp stress-easing CBD in TSA-approved sizes.
• Try aromatherapy to calm your anxiety with this essential oils diffuser necklace. Put a few drops on the wearable lava rock, breathe in deeply, and relax.

Wishing you an anxiety-free journey.

The post Holiday Travel: How to Reduce Travel Stress and Anxiety appeared first on My Blog.

A shocking headline in Neue Zuercher Zeitung, a mainstream Swiss newspaper, recently read: “In the USA People are Killing Themselves Like Never Before, while in Europe Less and fewer People are Taking Their Own Lives.” This article compares suicide rates in the U.S. to rates in Europe.

Just today I found out that another school friend of my son’s took his life. At tonight’s meditation class, a group of crying, disheartened young adults who had been in the same high school class as Sam tried to find solace. Numerous young people have told me stories about classmates and friends who recently killed themselves. “They just disappeared,” one of them said. Three of my current adult clients have young adult or teenage children who recently took their own lives. With 35 years of clinical practice as a psychologist in California, I am trying to understand this painful situation.

By mid-August of 2023, the CDC recorded 49,000 deaths by suicide so far this year. Since the year 2000, the suicide rate has increased by 40 percent; the percentage of young people between ages 10 to 24 taking their own lives increased by 52 percent between the years 2000 and 2021. Around 2010, we witnessed the steepest rise in numbers. Between 2019 and 2021, the number of girls who committed suicide rose dramatically. Meanwhile, the percentage of people killing themselves has decreased in central Europe. This is happening even though more is spent per capita on healthcare in the U.S. than in any other industrialized nation. Could it be that this discrepancy may help us to understand what makes young Americans take their lives?

In seeking an explanation, the New Zuercher Zeitung suggested that drug use and access to guns may be responsible for the rising incidence of suicide in the U.S. Although drug use and the availability of firearms are massive concerns, I suspect that the reasons for these patterns are far more complex.

Social media: Excessive social media use is often held responsible for depression and suicide, especially in the young. An increasing number of studies have linked ubiquitous social media use by youth to cyberbullying, unhealthy social comparisons and negative mental health consequences such as suicidality, loneliness, anxiety, and depression. The consequences of social media addiction are felt in the U.S., Europe, and other countries. However, in a study of social media addiction, 15 percent of North Americans were found to be addicted compared to 8 percent in western and northern Europe. (1) (2)

Social safety net: There is an effective social network in Europe and a lack thereof in the U.S., leaving people feeling insecure and scared. This seems to be especially true concerning the care for people with physical disabilities or mental vulnerabilities. Care for these populations is much more comprehensive in Europe than it is in the US. While people in the U.S. can fall out of society and end up homeless, the homeless population in Europe is extremely small. (3)

In the U.S., mental illnesses such as mood disorders, thought disorders, and PTSD are more often left undiagnosed or undertreated. In addition, a lack of social networks does not give the support and holding container those individuals need. Divergence and alienation in society may increase the suicide risk of already vulnerable individuals. (5) There’s a much greater emphasis on individualism, which may lead Americans to not ask for help when they need it. An emphasis on privacy and exaggerated individualism may lead to loneliness and isolation. There’s also a big emphasis on self-help. When a person can’t show their accomplishments and successes, then the person’s view of themselves can plummet. Connected to that is an exaggerated sense of competition. While in many other countries competitiveness is undesirable, competition is fostered in American homes and classrooms. If a person cannot match up with their peers, anxiety and depression can result.

Values: Common beliefs about success and failure in the U.S. are often more extreme than in Europe. In the U.S., success and failure are often seen as either one or the other. If one does not live up to the highest expectations and ambitions, one may see oneself as a failure or a “loser”. To make the emotional pressure worse, individuals are seen as responsible for their earlier “choices” in life. There can be a heavy hand of judgment if one is not “perfect”’ or “materially successful”. (6) (7)

Fear: The amount of fear and anxiety that is not openly expressed may be higher in the U.S. than in European countries. This subliminal fear may be fueled by a great amount of fear-mongering in the media and in politics, and it may be increased by a sense of isolation and alienation. (8)

Sense of purpose: There is sometimes a missing sense of enthusiasm and awareness of possibilities for the future among young people in the U.S. To value a sense of meaning and purpose is often not seen as important in a world where the dollar amount of one’s income gives one a sense of self-worth and the sense of being held in high esteem by others. Many experience an existential vacuum, followed by a sense of burnout and depression, which may sometimes lead to suicide. (9)

I could close with recommendations, yet I think that they are obvious and manifold. We need to gather our sincerity and altruism to return from a “me” culture to a “we” culture. Then, maybe, a change of values can emerge.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

References

Prevalence of social media addiction across 32 nations: Meta-analysis with subgroup analysis of classification schemes and cultural values; Cecilia Cheng, et al., Addictive Behaviors, Volume 117, June 2021)

Research trends in social media addiction and problematic social media use: A bibliometric analysis; Alfonso Pellegrino, et al.; Frontiers in Psychiatry; published online Nov. 10, 2022) [KO1]You may want to take a look at this as a reference.

Correlation between Suicidal Ideation and Addiction to Various Social Media Platforms in a Sample of Young Adults: The Benefits of Physical Activity; Mendes, et al.; Societies, March 29, 2023)

Fighting poverty in the US and Europe: A world of difference. A Alesina, EL Glaeser – 2004 – books.google.com

Litwin H, Stoeckel KJ. Confidant network types and well-being among older europeans. Gerontologist. 2014;54:762–772. doi: 10.1093/geront/gnt056. [PMC free article] [PubMed] [CrossRef] [Google Scholar]

Foothold Technology https://footholdtechnology.com › mitigate-homelessness

Mar 23, 2023 — The countries of the European Union differ significantly when comparing their social (read: government-subsidized) housing programs.

Pew Research Center. REPORT NOVEMBER 17, 2011. The American-Western European Values Gap. American Exceptionalism Subsides. UPDATED FEBRUARY 29, 2012

The Values Americans Live By, L. Robert Kohls, Yale University Press, 1984

American Psychiatric Association. May 2, 2021 — More than four in ten Americans (41%) say they are more anxious than last year.

The post The Discrepancy Between American and European Suicide Rates appeared first on My Blog.

We often reserve the term “mentally strong” to describe people who accomplished extraordinary feats in the face of great adversity. Rarely, however, do we use these words to describe ourselves; possibly because we are painfully aware of our own shortcomings, or because we don’t consider our achievements as noteworthy enough. But mental strength comes in many shapes and forms. And if we pay attention and know where to look, we can witness it every single day — in both ourselves and other people around us.

For instance, do you ever feel tired after waking up, but still get dressed because you don’t want to be late for work? Or have you ever wanted to shout profanities after being cut off in traffic on your way to work, but decided not to because your child was in the backseat? Both of these examples require mental strength. It’s not just unpleasant emotions either that require mental strength — have you ever allowed a compliment to penetrate your being without an automatic dismissal, or allowed your eyes to linger in your lover’s eyes just a moment longer, even though you feel vulnerable in doing so? That too is mental strength.

Whenever you display a willingness to more fully enter your own experience in the service of a greater purpose, you exhibit mental strength. And the more frequently you act this way, the more you stretch your mental muscles and the more you strengthen your ability to act in a purpose-driven way in the future.

Naturally, becoming mentally strong isn’t always easy, nor is it straightforward. The process involves a lot of nuance, and it requires you to foster distinct qualities along the way. Specifically, four qualities stand out, and if you practice any of them you can improve not just your mental strength but also your overall well-being. You might already recognize some of these qualities in yourself, whereas others may feel entirely foreign to you. Either way, please view the following list not as a yardstick by which to rate yourself, but as opportunities for your personal growth. With that being said, here are four qualities of mentally strong people.

1. They are open to new possibilities

Mentally strong people don’t stay on a single-loop track. They are rarely limited by preconceived notions about how they have to think, feel, or act, who they have to be, what they have to focus on, or what they have to care about. Rather than rigidly following self-imposed rules, mentally strong people are more open, can choose more freely, and are more likely to explore new possibilities. They can hold disparate thoughts at the same time; they can stay when an automatic mindset says to leave; they can let go when the mind says to cling. Because of these habits of mind and behavior, they can access a broader range of their experiences — both pleasant and unpleasant — without having to resist or cling to them.

Now, please notice what your mind does with this information, because it’s easy to fall into the trap of “I always have to be open to new possibilities” (which, ironically, is just another self-imposed rule). Rather than obeying your mind, see if you can just notice that this thought is currently unfolding in your consciousness, and allow it to be without following its demand. You can practice trying out new possibilities without turning it into a rule that you always “have” to do. After all, you are free to choose, again and again.

2. They choose what works

Mentally strong people are not just more open to new strategies, they are also more likely to choose the ones that work. This may sound simple enough, but this quality actually contains several sub-skills. For starters, it requires knowing your objectives — whether this is about your goals or deeper-seated values. In either case, you need to have a pretty clear direction, so you know what even constitutes “working” in the first place. Additionally, it requires a certain level of self-awareness, so you can assess whether you are actually moving closer to your objectives or whether you are just deluding yourself.

I highly recommend going through the process of clarifying your objectives with a trained mental health professional, because it’s easy to lose sight of your deeper goals and values, or to mistakenly believe that you are making progress when in reality you are not. If this is currently not an option for you, I advise monitoring your goals with the help of a trusted person, and/or getting objective feedback with a tracking device (e.g., by using an app on your smartphone). Having a reliable feedback system is essential when it comes to making effective improvements.

3. They build successful habits

If you’ve read self-help articles before, you probably know what comes next. Yes, it is a cliché, but for good reasons because becoming mentally strong doesn’t happen by chance. Instead, it happens by consistently acting in ways that move you toward your chosen objectives. The emphasis here lies in the word “consistently,” because one-off actions are rarely enough to have a lasting impact. Only by building successful actions into habits can you gain the momentum needed to make a difference in your mental fortitude and your life in general.

I advise you to start slowly. Choose a new action — like going for a daily jog — and then break it down into something smaller. Probably even smaller still. So small, in fact, that it becomes almost ridiculous for you not to do it. This might mean going for a one-minute jog and then returning home. The key here is to not yet focus on the desired end result but rather to focus on building consistency. Give yourself a “10-day challenge” in which every day you do something that carries you forward. You can aim bigger once you have shown some consistency in your efforts.

4. They adjust to their circumstances

Finally, mentally strong people adapt to their circumstances. They don’t wait for the perfect conditions before they can start taking action, nor do they stubbornly persist in their efforts, disregarding any feedback. Instead, they are more resourceful. They can accurately estimate the demands of their current context, and their own capabilities, and then adjust their actions and expectations accordingly, so that they still pursue their objectives at a level that is workable, given their current inner and outer circumstances.

A choice that is right in one context may be disastrous in another, and vice versa. For instance, if you’re driving over the speed limit, you risk injuring yourself and others. However, if a loved one sits in the backseat and is in serious need of medical attention, rushing to the nearest hospital may be the right course of action. There are rarely any easy answers, and what you consider to be “right” almost always depends on your context. Mentally strong people are aware of this dilemma and adjust themselves — again, and again.

Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., is Nevada Foundation Professor at the Department of Psychology at the University of Nevada Reno.

The post Four Qualities of Mentally Strong People appeared first on My Blog.

Shonda Moralis MSW, LCSW

• It can be easy to allow the fear of failure to hold us back.
• Most of us are either risk-averse or risk-takers. It’s vital to know where you fall on the continuum.
• There are simpleThere are simple steps you can practice to make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

“Do not fear mistakes: There are none.”

Easy for me to say? Well, no, not really. Even though one of my favorite personal mistakes* ultimately led to the successful publishing of my first book, this Miles Davis quote, which is posted visibly in my office, is a reminder that there is always a valuable lesson in our perceived mistakes—even the wretchedly painful ones that in the moment appear cataclysmic and irreversible. This is not to say that we would never alter some of our decisions, given the retrospective opportunity. But in reality, the best we can do is learn from our missteps, make amends if necessary, and usher our newfound knowledge into the present, allowing it to inform our future with wisdom.

The words we choose to describe our blunders matter. Our minds often transform a mere thought into a hard fact, often without our consent. A simple “mistake” can easily morph into a big fat failure if we aren’t cautious about how we perceive it. Which is why I have long bristled at the word failure, finding it too finite, too definite, and much too all-or-nothing in its formulation. And because I have repeatedly observed how “failure” paralyzes us in an unending cycle of fearing more of the same, I am opposed to even permitting it full-word status outside of mental quotation marks and often refer to it as “the other F-word.” It is infinitely more productive, motivating, and sanity preserving to practice reframing the concepts of “mistakes” and “failures” as the potential learning opportunities they are.

When it comes to risking failure, each of us falls somewhere on the continuum from cripplingly risk averse to consummate adrenaline junkie. Ideally, we want to find ourselves in the center, making wise, deliberate decisions without allowing fear to immobilize us.

In my youngerIn my younger years, perfectionist tendencies and the fear of failure kept me playing it safe most of the time. As I have grown older, I have learned to nudge, and occasionally (lovingly) shove, myself more toward the center. As with learning any new skill, this was initially frightening, but it has become less so with practice. Despite my earlier risk aversion, I have nevertheless managed to experience my share of setbacks. It’s just as important, if not more so, to discuss our losses than to underscore our wins. Success is decidedly not linear. Colin Jost of Saturday Night Live said it better than I ever could: “We have to remember that progress isn’t just a straight line upward. . . . It’s a weird roller coaster where sometimes you’re screaming for joy and other times you’re barfing in your own face.” Pretty much.

Here are simple steps to help mitigate the risk and recover from the inevitable setback

1. Designate where you fall on the risk-taking continuum:

Do you tend to play it safe, hang back, and think long and hard about decisions? Do you often regret not having jumped in and experienced adventures, large or small? Or do you find yourself frequently regretting impulsive decisions? Are you regularly drawn to that addictive adrenaline rush from just going for it? Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, reserve judgment about who you are or how you have behaved in the past. This is not about self-criticism but about kind awareness. Self-acceptance must first occur before we can create any mindful positive change.

If you tend to be risk averse, your next step is to work on stepping out of your comfort zone in tiny, manageable ways. Granted, we may not make as many missteps if we are always playing it safe, but without some risk we cannot live up to our full potential and end up stunting opportunities for growth.

If you are more of a natural risk taker, your objective is to stop and notice your bodily sensations before you leap, paying attention to what they may be communicating and honing your ability to notice and follow your intuition over time.

2. If you are deliberating about whether to take a leap:

Regardless of whether you are risk averse or risk adoring, first get quiet in order to listen to your body, as it provides valuable information. You must physically stop to do this. Briefly scan through the body from head to toe, staying curious about any sensations and making mental notes of what you observe.

If it is difficult to notice any sensations at all, do not be discouraged. Each time you practice this mindful break, you increase your familiarity with your own unique body sensations, becoming more in tune with what is normal—and what is not—for you. Typically, we experience sensations tied to emotions somewhere between the head and the stomach or lower back. For example, you might feel muscle tension in your head, neck, or back. Perhaps it feels as if an elephant has taken a seat atop your chest or butterflies are trapped in your stomach. These unpleasant sensations commonly signal an unhealthy, unwise choice. Conversely, ask yourself if there is a general sense of ease, calm, and relaxed muscles. This usually means you are proceeding in the right direction.

Even if you are skilled at noticing sensations, it isn’t always clear what they represent. Or, as in my case, we recognize the sensations but doubt the message out of fear, avoidance, or denial. Since we know that attempting something new often also entails some level of fear, our goal is to distinguish between natural trepidation (take the risk) and our intuition screaming NO! (consider turning back). This, too, requires practice and never entirely becomes foolproof. Provided we gather facts and heed our intuition, we can be assured that we have done our best in that moment, whether we succeed immediately or not.

3. If you are recovering from a “mistake”:

Take a deep breath and offer yourself compassion for the suffering. Remind yourself that you are not alone; everyone has a similar story to share. I know this may be irritating to hear right now, but it will ring true later. Regardless of whether you did not notice informative body sensations, interpreted them wrong, or chose not to heed them, there is always a lesson to be learned—even if it is not immediately clear. Sometimes the best you can do is breathe, put one foot in front of the other, refuse to let fear keep you down, and use what you’ve learned to wisely, kindly inform your next decision.

Adapted and excerpted from Don’t Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women (The Experiment Publishing, 2022).

References

*Read all about it in the full version in Don’t Forget to Breathe.

The post Fear of Failure Holding You Back? appeared first on My Blog.

Humans read each other’s emotions with great enthusiasm. There is not a lot of accuracy. Who hasn’t been annoyed by the question: “What’s the matter?” If you answer, “Nothing, that’s just my face,” people strangely assume that they’re correct and you are grumpy.

But we do this because we care, enormously, about other people’s intent. What do they mean, and what do they mean toward us? Are they friends or foes? Powerful or subservient? A potential mate, or not? And so on.

The question that inevitably follows on this highly practical concern about other people’s feelings, is more philosophical. It comes perhaps first in that moment when someone’s response to an event surprises you because it’s different from your own.

You wonder: “Is that other person experiencing the same event as me?” This leads to the more general question, “Do humans experience similar emotions, or are we all different?”

Philosophy has come up with different answers over the years, but generally, the conclusion is that, on the whole, we’re incommensurate with one another. That’s a mouthful, but it means that your experience of last night’s football game was different than mine. Maybe I cared more about the home team than you did, or maybe I don’t care about football at all.

Taking it a step further, think about individual words. If I say, “London” to you, you most likely get a mental picture of the great English city, but what is it based on? Have you been to London? I have, both as a tourist and on business; I’ve got a walking familiarity with the city. But someone who lives there will inevitably have a much more detailed, rich, and emotional response to the word London than either you or me. Here’s their favorite pub, here’s their usual Tube stop, here’s where they got fired from one job, here’s where they currently work—and on, and on.

Can we say that the word London means the same thing to all of us?

And yet, neuroscience is teaching us that we’re more alike than we are different. Recent work on brain scans, for example, can read human emotions with 90 percent accuracy. Researchers showed people pictures of unpleasant things—physical injuries, hate groups, and acts of aggression—and they found that people reacted in predictable ways. But more than that, they all reacted with pretty much the same brain patterns.

We’re more alike than we are different.

Similarly, work by a team of psychologists at Princeton University found that when a storyteller and a listener get together, their brain patterns match up identically. Stories take over our brains—and in the same ways.

Human emotions are similar, and the brain patterns show it. As chief researcher Luke Chang put it, emotions have a neural signature which is essentially the same from human to human. This also suggests that computers could learn to recognize these emotions with high accuracy, 90 percent so far. The 2001: A Space Odyssey scenario is not as far off as we might like to think.

And there’s one further implication, which is that the accuracy rate for computers is much higher than humans can manage. And here’s the kicker, higher even than humans can manage their own emotions. We’re not even very good at recognizing how we feel ourselves.

Reading other peoples’ emotions, as well as our own, is essential for good communications, and public speaking. The research shows that we are more alike than different suggesting that humans can profitably learn to become more accurate at reading emotions and that the results might pay off in better communication for anyone who attempts it.

References

See the journal PLOS Biology. Chang et al., 2015.

The post How We Read Other People’s Emotions, and Why It Matters appeared first on My Blog.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

Those who have a growth mindset think of intelligence and other abilities—athletic, musical, artistic, etc.—as developing over time and that there are always opportunities to learn. Those with a fixed mindset see abilities as fixed at birth. Someone with a fixed mindset might say in response to failing a math test, “I’m no good at math.” In response to the same situation, someone with a growth mindset might say, “I need to work harder on understanding algebra.”

You can have a growth mindset in some areas but not others, believing for example that you can learn to be a better tennis player if you work hard at it, but also believing that some people are born creative, and some aren’t.

As you might expect, people with a growth mindset look at problems and failures as opportunities to learn how to do better, whereas those with a fixed mindset try to avoid setbacks, and are embarrassed or defensive when they inevitably happen.

Benefits of the Growth Mindset

Growth mindset people are happier, more encouraging and positive, less judgmental, more enthusiastic about new experiences, and more successful in every domain of life in which they hold a growth mindset, whether it be school, work, friendships, or parenting.

What Does Growth Mindset Parenting Look Like in Practice?

To parent with a growth mindset, try the following:

1. Praise your child for their curiosity and effort, not their ability. Tell them how proud you are of their persistence in learning how to read (something in their control), but don’t tell them they’re smart (something that feels permanently fixed and out of their control).
2. Welcome setbacks as learning opportunities, not as embarrassing failures. “Oh dear, you spilled your milk again. What should we do so it doesn’t happen tomorrow?” Not “Have you spilled your milk again? You are so clumsy.”
3. Don’t set a limit on your child’s potential. Don’t think of your child’s abilities— whether high or low—as being fixed. Instead, encourage them to follow their curiosity, and support them in developing their interests. Current research on the brain’s plasticity shows that there’s always room for learning and growth.
4. Avoid labelling your child, even with positive labels. Categorical labels (learning disabled, gifted, uncoordinated, beautiful) encourage self-consciousness as well as a fixed mindset. Labels of any kind discourage your child from following their interests as freely and fully as they otherwise might.
5. Don’t play the blame game. When you or your child has a problem, don’t look for who or what to blame. Instead, focus on what you can do differently going forward.
6. Teach your child basic growth mindset principles. Help your child understand what growth and fixed mindsets are and how they show up in our language and behavior. For example, if someone says, “I can’t do this!” remind them to say “I can’t do this yet.” Encourage your child to let you know when you or other family members slip into a fixed mindset, and to think together about how you might shift into a growth mindset.

Mindset Controversies

Mindset was Carol Dweck’s 2006 best-selling book in which she described her comparison of growth and fixed mindsets, based on her decades of research on attribution theory (looking at what people attribute their successes and failures to). The mindset ideas ­­­were widely adopted, and—like many complex ideas that spread like wildfire—were not always applied consistently with Dweck’s research. Controversies followed in which critics challenged the benefits of the growth mindset.

Following a careful investigation of the criticism, Dweck wrote about “false growth mindsets,” and emphasized the importance of paying attention to the nuances and avoiding a superficial application of a simplified version of mindset theory. Subsequent research affirmed Dweck’s earlier findings on the effectiveness of the growth mindset.

Growth Mindset Parenting

Thinking about the application of her research on mindsets to parenting, Carol Dweck wrote, “The best things parents can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.”

If you develop a growth mindset in your own attitudes and behaviors, you’ll not only be happier and more successful, you’ll also be helping your child find a growth mindset for themself. You’ll be supporting them in being happier, more confident, and more successful in every area of their life.

References

Imperfect Parenting: How to Build a Relationship with Your Child to Weather Any Storm, by Dona Matthews

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, by Carol S Dweck

The post Growth Mindset Parenting appeared first on My Blog.

• You can find happiness as a “human doing,” defining yourself by what you do.
• You can find happiness by focusing on your inner experiences or defining yourself as a “human being.”
• You can find happiness as a “human becoming,” guiding your life by who you want to become.

When asked to describe yourself, what comes to mind? You might think of your interests, such as gardening or playing golf. Said another way, you might think of the things you do. You might also think of your personality traits, such as having integrity, and your roles, such as being a parent or a cashier. These are about your being in the world. Or, you might think of your aspirations, such as to become a great doctor or influencer. This self-perception is based on who you are working toward becoming. Each of these three ways of thinking about yourself offers its own path to happiness.

Human Doing

Some would say that historian and author Will Durant was channeling Aristotle when, in his book The Story of Philosophy, he penned the now-famous quote: “You are what you repeatedly do.”

To this point, if you regularly eat well-balanced meals, exercise, talk with friends, and pursue your interests, you will feel stronger and healthier. You will also be more likely to act in other healthy ways, which is likely not news to you. On the other hand, trying to simultaneously do all things that make you happy by multitasking, or cramming them all into every day, is seriously problematic. Unfortunately, this attempt at overachieving is all too common in our modern world.

With your cellphone as practically another appendage, multitasking is almost inevitable and inherently involves being frequently interrupted. Researcher Kushlev and colleagues (2016) found that mobile phone notifications increase inattention and hyperactivity even in people who do not have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Similarly, researchers Lin and colleagues (2013) found that interruptions cause distress and create greater demands on self-regulation (such as containing frustration).

Depending on how you manage your multitasking, you may find that you are someone who calmly accomplishes what you set out to do, or someone who is frequently stressed out, anxious, and exhausted. From the perspective of “you are what you repeatedly do,” a key lesson from these and other similar studies is that you help yourself be a calmer, more focused person by limiting multitasking.

So, as you reflect on your priorities, it is also important to consider that your happiness is partly determined by what you choose to pursue and how you go about doing that.

Human Being

Some people define themselves by their inner experiences at any given moment. They might focus on their thoughts, as Descartes did in his famous statement, “I think therefore I am.” I have heard some counter with “I am, therefore I think.” Interesting turn of the phrase, right? Of course, you might also understand yourself by connecting with your fears, fantasies, and other emotional experiences. What these different perspectives have in common is a focus on your inner life. You could say that as a human being, we are what we experience.

In my clinical practice, I have seen many, many people struggle with their inner world. The truth is that it is relatively rare for people to simply perceive their experiences. Instead, they view them from a particular perspective. For example, someone who hates parties can view themselves positively as someone who likes being social but does not like a lot of hullabaloo. Or, they might be critical of their aversion to festivities that many others clearly enjoy.

So, to find happiness in your human being, it is important to develop compassionate self-awareness; to see yourself with empathy and compassion. With this skill, you can be open to all of your experiences in a way that enables you to appreciate and respect them—even the difficult ones.

Human Becoming

As a living being who is ever-changing, it is important to reflect on how you respond to this trait. Do you ignore change—as in, your stated age remains stuck at 29? Do you try to fight it? (You can get plenty of help for this from anti-aging industries.) You might try to become what others want you to be. Or, maybe you try to become more of what you want to be. So many choices. And there is still more to consider, such as whether your values or desires have changed.

The work of psychologist Carol Dweck is particularly important in considering the idea of human becoming. She is known for her concept of the growth mindset, which asserts that people can cultivate their qualities and grow even through challenging times. So, if you want to embody a certain way of being or achieve particular goals, then her work suggests that you think of yourself as existing on a learning curve instead of judging yourself to have or not have an ability. This enables you to be more persistent and more likely to succeed in your efforts.

The growth mindset involves being aware of your current experience and what growth you want. It also inherently encourages people to have compassionate self-awareness as they struggle. That is, when you make mistakes or recognize personal weaknesses, you will continue to feel positive about yourself, even as you might strive to do better. For instance, if you practice calming your anxiety with mindfulness, you will likely acknowledge small successes along the way, rather than being critical of your limited abilities and then giving up. As I explain in this three-minute video, Learn to Become Your Best Self, the focus of the growth mindset is on growth, or becoming.

Three Paths to a Happy You

In your pursuit of happiness, be sure to reflect on these three ways of thinking about yourself. Human being and human doing complement each other. If you are all about doing and not being, you may feel empty or lonely in quiet moments… assuming you allow yourself to slow down enough to have them. If you are all about being and not doing, you are not feeding your inner self with new experiences. That may leave you wanting, too. Then there is the shortcoming for both of them that they fail to attend to your ever-changing nature. By adding a focus on the dimension of always becoming, you can enhance your personal growth. Together, by attending to yourself as a human doing, human being, and human becoming, you have an amazing formula for success.

References

Kushlev, K., Proulx, J.D., & Dunn, E.W. (2016). “Silence Your Phones”: Smartphone Notifications Increase Inattention and Hyperactivity Symptoms. Proceedings of the 2016 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems.

Lin, B. C., Kain, J. M., & Fritz, C. (2013). Don’t interrupt me! An examination of the relationship between intrusions at work and employee strain. International Journal of Stress Management, 20(2), 77–94. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031637

The post Human Doing, Being, and Becoming: How Do You Find Happiness? appeared first on My Blog.

• Expect to see a mass exodus of workers who prefer work-from-home flexibility.
• Virtual productivity companies, Virtual productivity companies, like Zoom, are leading the charge for return to the office.
• The irony is not lost on employees or the public.

Consider this: It is two weeks before Christmas, and you receive an email from your CEO stipulating that all staff will be required to return to the office at least four days per week in the new year. Although you and your colleagues have enjoyed the flexibility of working from home since the start of the pandemic, it is now mandatory for you to return to work in person. Would you happily swap your flexible working arrangements for the supposed benefits of all staff being present in the office together?

Instead of compliance with return-to-work mandates, we may instead expect to see a mass exodus of staff who would rather look for a new job that offers greater flexibility than be forced to return to commuting and working in a set place at fixed times. This mass exodus is a career phenomenon that has been informally dubbed “flexidus.” In a somewhat bizarre turn of events, 2023 has seen video conferencing giant Zoom, as well as the other names in tech, including Google, Meta, X, and Amazon, all announce staff must return to the office for at least two to three days per week. The companies that provide the platforms for virtual productivity are leading the charge for return to the office, and the irony is not lost on employees or the public.

The majority of people who worked from home during the COVID-19 pandemic want to continue to do so; results from a recent report indicate four out of five flexible workers surveyed want to continue working from home at least some of the time. Many employers, on the other hand, have demanded that people return to the office or workplace, as illustrated by Zoom and many others. Poor relationships between employers and employees have likely developed for those who experience this disconnect between preferences, needs, and expectations, as both parties begin to feel exploited and taken advantage of. Is this a sign that the psychological contract is broken?

The psychological contract

A psychological contract is often an unspoken agreement based on a set of beliefs about a reciprocal relationship, encompassing both obligations and benefits, between two parties. In a workplace context, the psychological contract is between an employee and employer about what a job constitutes, what is expected from each party, what one is willing to give, and what benefits one can expect to receive. The psychological contract is subjective, and each employee may have a slightly different view about what they expect and what is expected of them, which can easily lead to perceived breaches, resulting in an erosion of trust and perceptions of fairness violations.

For example, if an employee was passed over for promotion due to their lack of learning in a certain area, they might then form the impression that attaining additional training in that area would lead to a promotion. If, after completing that training, they were again denied a promotion, the employee may feel that their employer failed to fulfill what they perceived to be the bargain and begin to withdraw their trust and commitment to the organization. The employee would have felt that a promise had been broken and that the employer was not behaving fairly.

The benefits of flexible work

Employees who had demonstrated their capacity to work remotely and deliver when lockdowns and travel restrictions were mandated (especially in countries like Australia or Argentina with extended lockdowns) reported the following benefits of flexible working: better work-life balance, less time commuting, and more physical activity, all of which likely feed into employees’ preference for continued working from home arrangements. Employers, on the other hand, worried about such things as the dissipation of their old work culture, drops in innovation due to the lack of spontaneous meetings and discussions between employees who interact in a workspace, and reduced bonding between team members. Employers wanted employees to be present to begin contributing to the culture again.

Google’s Head of People, Fiona Cicconi, wrote in a memo, “We’ve heard from Googlers that those who spend at least three days a week in the office feel more connected to other Googlers, and that this effect is magnified when teammates work from the same location.” Similar comments about building trust and installing connections could be heard in the words of Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, “[O]ur hypothesis is that it is still easier to build trust in-person and that those relationships help us work more effectively.”

The “issues” of flexible work

In mid-2023, Elon Musk publicly voiced his disdain for flexible work, referring to working from home as both a “productivity issue” and a “moral issue.” Musk used a procedural justice argument, though a flawed one, to make the case that if everyone cannot work from home, then no one should. As evidenced by the vitriol present in Musk’s comments, a crack has been forming in the employee-employer relationship, and previous ‘understandings’ between the two around the ways we work are unraveling. This was likely exacerbated in cases of a sudden and forced return to the workplace once COVID-19 restrictions were lifted.

As people began returning and recovering from the exogenous shock of the pandemic, we saw the rise of new workplace trends, such as quiet quitting. For many, work began to feel less important, and people were unwilling to give as much as they previously had, preferring instead to focus more time on family, friends, and self-care. If trends like quiet quitting are symptoms of disillusionment of both employees and employers, something needs to be done to restore trust, commitment from employees and protection to employees. Making the psychological contract explicit, rather than an unspoken agreement about expectations, could be a step to right previous wrongs and restore balance between parties.

References

Cantisano, G. T., Morales Domínguez, J., and Depolo, M. (2008). Psychological contract breach and outcomes: combining meta-analysis and structural equation models. Psicothema 20, 487–496.

Gunasekara, A. N., Wheeler, M. A., & Bardoel, A. (2022). The impact of working from home during COVID-19 on time allocation across competing demands. Sustainability, 14(15), 9126. https://doi.org/10.3390/su14159126

James, N., Gallagher, S., & Hopkins, J. (2022). Reset, Restore, Reframe–Making Fair Work FlexWork. Melbourne: Deloitte Asia Pacific and Swinburne Edge.

Herrera, J., & De Las Heras-Rosas, C. (2021). The organizational commitment in the company and its relationship with the psychological contract. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 609211.

Mahdawi, A. (2023). How can you tell remote work is over? Zoom has ordered employees back to the office. Accessed on 25 August from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/aug/08/remote-work-over-zoom-ordered-employees-back-to-office

Morahan, G. (2022). LinkedIn Warns About Female ‘Flexidus’. Accessed on 06 July 2023 from https://businessplus.ie/jobs/flexible-working/

Riccardi, G. (2023). It’s no surprise Zoom wants workers back in the office. Accessed on 25 August 2023 from https://qz.com/zoom-ironic-remote-work-office-policy-1850714718

Rousseau, D. M. (1998). The ‘problem’ of the psychological contract considered. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 665-671.

Tweedie, D. (2023). Working from home immoral? A lesson in ethics for Elon Musk. Accessed on 3 November 2023 from https://indaily.com.au/news/business/2023/05/29/working-from-home-immoral-a-lesson-in-ethics-for-elon-musk/

Wheeler, M. A. & Campos, C. J. (2022). Quiet Quitting: A Path to Work Engagement? Accessed on 06 July 2023 from https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/ethically-speaking/202209/quiet-quitting-path-work-engagement

The post Working From Home and the Psychological Contract appeared first on My Blog.

• Early psychology was a branch of philosophy that focused on studying the soul.
• Eventually, psychology borrowed scientific objective methods to study the mind and behavior.
• All scientific studies are prone to subjective bias.

The Path From Philosophy to Science

Early psychology was considered a branch of philosophy that focused on understanding the human soul. In Western philosophy, the word “psychology” is derived from the Greek word “psyche,” meaning spirit or soul, and “logos,” meaning study.

In ancient Greece, philosophers such as Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle developed theories about human perception, memory, and reasoning to study the relationship between the mind and body. For example, Plato’s dualism regarded body and mind as two independent and antagonistic principles, which made the world as we see it as a poor reflection of the world as it is. In his famous allegory of the cave, Plato laid the foundation for cognitive psychology by describing intrapsychic conflict and concluding that because our senses can deceive us, reasoning is our only path to knowledge (Louise, 2014).

Despite Plato’s philosophical leanings toward objective reasoning, up until the late 19th century, the prevailing view was that psychology might never become a “real” science because many believed that internal or experiential phenomena could not be quantified. Modern psychology emerged when scientists began to apply the scientific methods used in physics and chemistry to take the path of reasoning to knowledge when studying mind and behavior.

In 1879, Wilhelm Wundt set up the first laboratory dedicated to experimental psychology and sought to apply methods used in chemistry and physics to study human perception with “objective” measurements and controls (Reiber, 2001). His aim was to understand the structure of the mind by recording thoughts and sensations in ways that could eliminate “interpretation” and counter the argument that there is no way to know whether an individual’s consciousness is accurately reporting experiences.

Wundt used experimental techniques for studying aspects of “internal perception,” or introspection, with repetitive external stimuli and observation (Reiber, 2001). The repetitions allowed the participants to be more attentive to their own internal experiences, while the observer recorded their reactions to stimuli.

These techniques established psychology as a valid experimental science, and encouraged other researchers, such as behaviorists and cognitive scientists, to follow. Throughout the 21st century, the dualism that characterized much of ancient philosophy shifted to a growing focus on how different facets of the mind, body, and environment interact to shape human behavior.

Subjective Factors and Research Bias

Wundt’s success usingWundt’s success using the scientific method to study the human mind and behavior has vastly expanded our knowledge and placed psychology as a core academic discipline. However, although our knowledge has grown enormously, analyzing various components of our inner experiences has not simplified them—instead, it revealed their complexity.

In trying to objectively understand this intrinsic complexity, psychology has been challenged with myriad unplanned or uncontrolled subjective factors that can confound researchers’ interpretations and conclusions. These factors (variables) are not negligible, as they can occur in any facet of research from the literature reviewed to study samples, analysis methods, and outcome representations. This means that subjective factors may endanger the validity and reliability of any study by affecting the act of observing and the phenomenon being observed.

Researchers and participants are human, each with unique identities and experiences through which their own values, beliefs, assumptions, and other subjective biases were formed. These subjectivities can affect a study where a researcher subconsciously communicates an expected outcome, which then causes participants to alter their behavior based on that perceived expectation.

For example, when conducting interviews with the descendants of Nazis and Holocaust survivors at the Harvard Medical School, I sometimes reacted with judgments and subtle facial expressions that may have influenced the participants’ responses. These types of interactions can skew the data by unintentionally impacting a participant’s reaction to a researcher’s perceived emotional cue.

Similarly, researchers can influence studies when their prior beliefs or values may have already predicted an outcome in their minds. As they choose a topic, review literature, formulate the methodology, and collect data, subconscious bias may influence their interpretations of previous works or cause them to perceive experimental data as more congruent with their research hypothesis.

For example, in a study of an attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder drug, if the researcher knows which subjects received the drug, they may perceive and report that the experimental group seems more focused because that’s what they expected. This effect can often be mitigated by using a double-blind study to ensure neither the researcher nor the participant has any information that may influence their perception and behavior.

This phenomenon is called the “confirmation bias” because expecting and predicting an outcome in advance may affect the study from conception to how the results are represented. Although often unintentional, this bias can still make studies invalid and unreliable.

As researchers, it is our responsibility to be aware of these variables and try to understand them such that—where possible—they can be isolated, measured, or eliminated.

Study Ourselves Studying Ourselves

Given that all scientific research is prone to subjective bias and error, we must be aware that they may be hidden in our findings. To minimize the influence of our subjective biases, we can foster self-awareness by using scientific thinking to study ourselves studying ourselves. This type of meta-learning allows us to examine our conscious experiences as objectively as possible and to build a bridge between objective and subjective factors in research and everyday life.

There are five steps we can use to encourage applying scientific reasoning to ourselves:

1. Pause
2. Self-inquire
3. State the opposite
4. Adopt nonbinary thinking
5. Assume you are wrong

These steps can reveal our internal subjectivities to preserve as much objectivity as possible.

In practice, these steps mean the following:

• Step one avoids jumping to conclusions. In research, this involves reviewing relevant past literature to formulate a research question. In everyday life, this involves adopting a decision-making mode based on logic and impersonal facts. For example, reading conflicting perspectives on a topic helps us make decisions with more clarity and objectivity.
• Step two considers why a topic is important to study. This is pivotal in understanding how our subjectivities and biases can become confounding factors. In research, you may find that internal biases and emotions are driving your inquiry and the interpretation of the data. In everyday life, this involves looking inward and asking questions such as the following: What is my opinion and feeling about this? Why do I believe this? Based on what evidence I collected from both sides, how true is my initial opinion?
• Step three turns the question into a statement of a testable relationship. To remain objective, state the opposite of your prediction. In research, this involves crafting a research hypothesis and a null hypothesis. In everyday life, this involves challenging your personal beliefs by thinking about the opposite beliefs.
• Step four assumes that reality is not binary. In research, this means suspending categorical thinking and the assumption that either the hypothesis or the null describes complete “truth.” Instead, we include moderator variables to better understand reality. This involves replacing either-or predictions with an assumption that they may be two multifaceted sides of the same coin—rather than predicting heads or tails, we would use if-then logic to think about how the coin was flipped and why that could affect the way it lands. In everyday life, this means considering more than two possible opinions or perspectives in an argument and accepting gray areas in addition to either-or thinking. Here, we embrace both-and thinking.
• Step five requires assuming your predictions may be wrong. In research, this means accepting that your hypothesis may not be confirmed or replicated in future studies. Assume that there is more than one answer, and reconsider what you have learned throughout the process. In everyday life, this means to embrace honesty and humility and accept that other peoples’ beliefs may be as valid as, or even more valid and reasonable than, yours. And accept that all knowledge is limited.

Using scientific reasoning to journey inward hinges on our willingness to learn and unlearn through a continuing open-ended process of systematically questioning our values, beliefs, and assumptions. These steps of scientific thinking encourage us to observe ourselves without becoming so emotionally attached to our convictions that we cannot see other sides.

One of the most renowned researchers in the 13th century, al-Hasan ibn Al-Haytham, in reference to seeking truth, states that one must “make himself an enemy of all that he reads, and, applying his mind to the core and margins of its content, attack it from every side. He should also suspect himself as he performs his critical examination of it, so that he may avoid falling into either prejudice or leniency” (Sabra, 2003).

We cannot hope to minimize these subjective factors without attempting to understand the workings of our own minds. Through self-observation, we can use scientific reasoning as a valuable tool for self-awareness as we go through the veil of illusion into advancing our knowledge. Studying ourselves as we study how our minds work lies at the heart of scientific thinking.

Copyright 2023 Mona

Copyright 2023 Mona Sue Weissmark All Rights Reserved

References

Thank you to Jeanette Lieb for improving this article. Thank you to Brian Chin, head teaching fellow, and Menna Saleh, teaching fellow, for The Psychology of Diversity course at Harvard. And thank you to Bushra Hassan for helping share the work.

Ibn al-Haytham, Book of Optics, as quoted in Sabra, Abdelhamid I. (2003). Brief life of an Arab mathematician: died circa 1040. Harvard Magazine. https://www.harvardmagazine.com/2003/09/ibn-al-haytham-html

Plato. The Allegory of the Cave, as quoted in Arlington Reader. (2014). Louise, Z. Smith, Z. & Bloom, L. (Eds.). (2014). Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 234–236.

Rieber, R. W., & Robinson, D. K. (Eds.). (2001). Wilhelm Wundt in History: The Making of a Scientific Psychology. Kluwer Academic/Plenum Publishers. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-1-4615-0665-2

Weissmark, M. S. (2020). The Science of Diversity. Oxford University Press.

Weissmark, M. S. (2018). Evaluating Psychology Research. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/justice- matters/201808/evaluating- psychology-researchMorereferences

The post Scientific Thinking and the Inner Journey appeared first on My Blog.