Shonda Moralis MSW, LCSW

• It can be easy to allow the fear of failure to hold us back.
• Most of us are either risk-averse or risk-takers. It’s vital to know where you fall on the continuum.
• There are simpleThere are simple steps you can practice to make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

“Do not fear mistakes: There are none.”

Easy for me to say? Well, no, not really. Even though one of my favorite personal mistakes* ultimately led to the successful publishing of my first book, this Miles Davis quote, which is posted visibly in my office, is a reminder that there is always a valuable lesson in our perceived mistakes—even the wretchedly painful ones that in the moment appear cataclysmic and irreversible. This is not to say that we would never alter some of our decisions, given the retrospective opportunity. But in reality, the best we can do is learn from our missteps, make amends if necessary, and usher our newfound knowledge into the present, allowing it to inform our future with wisdom.

The words we choose to describe our blunders matter. Our minds often transform a mere thought into a hard fact, often without our consent. A simple “mistake” can easily morph into a big fat failure if we aren’t cautious about how we perceive it. Which is why I have long bristled at the word failure, finding it too finite, too definite, and much too all-or-nothing in its formulation. And because I have repeatedly observed how “failure” paralyzes us in an unending cycle of fearing more of the same, I am opposed to even permitting it full-word status outside of mental quotation marks and often refer to it as “the other F-word.” It is infinitely more productive, motivating, and sanity preserving to practice reframing the concepts of “mistakes” and “failures” as the potential learning opportunities they are.

When it comes to risking failure, each of us falls somewhere on the continuum from cripplingly risk averse to consummate adrenaline junkie. Ideally, we want to find ourselves in the center, making wise, deliberate decisions without allowing fear to immobilize us.

In my youngerIn my younger years, perfectionist tendencies and the fear of failure kept me playing it safe most of the time. As I have grown older, I have learned to nudge, and occasionally (lovingly) shove, myself more toward the center. As with learning any new skill, this was initially frightening, but it has become less so with practice. Despite my earlier risk aversion, I have nevertheless managed to experience my share of setbacks. It’s just as important, if not more so, to discuss our losses than to underscore our wins. Success is decidedly not linear. Colin Jost of Saturday Night Live said it better than I ever could: “We have to remember that progress isn’t just a straight line upward. . . . It’s a weird roller coaster where sometimes you’re screaming for joy and other times you’re barfing in your own face.” Pretty much.

Here are simple steps to help mitigate the risk and recover from the inevitable setback

1. Designate where you fall on the risk-taking continuum:

Do you tend to play it safe, hang back, and think long and hard about decisions? Do you often regret not having jumped in and experienced adventures, large or small? Or do you find yourself frequently regretting impulsive decisions? Are you regularly drawn to that addictive adrenaline rush from just going for it? Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, reserve judgment about who you are or how you have behaved in the past. This is not about self-criticism but about kind awareness. Self-acceptance must first occur before we can create any mindful positive change.

If you tend to be risk averse, your next step is to work on stepping out of your comfort zone in tiny, manageable ways. Granted, we may not make as many missteps if we are always playing it safe, but without some risk we cannot live up to our full potential and end up stunting opportunities for growth.

If you are more of a natural risk taker, your objective is to stop and notice your bodily sensations before you leap, paying attention to what they may be communicating and honing your ability to notice and follow your intuition over time.

2. If you are deliberating about whether to take a leap:

Regardless of whether you are risk averse or risk adoring, first get quiet in order to listen to your body, as it provides valuable information. You must physically stop to do this. Briefly scan through the body from head to toe, staying curious about any sensations and making mental notes of what you observe.

If it is difficult to notice any sensations at all, do not be discouraged. Each time you practice this mindful break, you increase your familiarity with your own unique body sensations, becoming more in tune with what is normal—and what is not—for you. Typically, we experience sensations tied to emotions somewhere between the head and the stomach or lower back. For example, you might feel muscle tension in your head, neck, or back. Perhaps it feels as if an elephant has taken a seat atop your chest or butterflies are trapped in your stomach. These unpleasant sensations commonly signal an unhealthy, unwise choice. Conversely, ask yourself if there is a general sense of ease, calm, and relaxed muscles. This usually means you are proceeding in the right direction.

Even if you are skilled at noticing sensations, it isn’t always clear what they represent. Or, as in my case, we recognize the sensations but doubt the message out of fear, avoidance, or denial. Since we know that attempting something new often also entails some level of fear, our goal is to distinguish between natural trepidation (take the risk) and our intuition screaming NO! (consider turning back). This, too, requires practice and never entirely becomes foolproof. Provided we gather facts and heed our intuition, we can be assured that we have done our best in that moment, whether we succeed immediately or not.

3. If you are recovering from a “mistake”:

Take a deep breath and offer yourself compassion for the suffering. Remind yourself that you are not alone; everyone has a similar story to share. I know this may be irritating to hear right now, but it will ring true later. Regardless of whether you did not notice informative body sensations, interpreted them wrong, or chose not to heed them, there is always a lesson to be learned—even if it is not immediately clear. Sometimes the best you can do is breathe, put one foot in front of the other, refuse to let fear keep you down, and use what you’ve learned to wisely, kindly inform your next decision.

Adapted and excerpted from Don’t Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women (The Experiment Publishing, 2022).

References

*Read all about it in the full version in Don’t Forget to Breathe.

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MINDFULNESS

In a world where mass shootings and the horrific tragedies of war are continually in your news feed, it’s easy to feel hopeless. Glimmers can help you achieve a more positive outlook when faced with adversity.

Glimmers are those flickers of hope, happiness, or optimism that we encounter during challenging times or when we’re feeling down. Finding glimmers can be as effortless as spotting a rainbow, listening to a child’s laughter, or experiencing a sense of achievement. Such brief instances of positivity serve as beacons of hope, aiding us in managing stress and worries while keeping us motivated.

Glimmers serve as a mechanism through which our brain stores and retrieves significant memories. They facilitate our recollection of past encounters and emotions, offering valuable insights that aid us in making informed choices.

The polyvagal theory, developed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges, sheds light on the science behind glimmers:. they are signals that guide the body into a state of vagal calmness, allowing people to experience a profound sense of safety and connection. Just as the immune system combats illnesses, the body’s nervous system can fight negative emotions through engagement of the vagus nerve. People can effectively harness such engagement to remain securely anchored in positive, optimistic, and safe emotional experiences.

What Are Ways to Access Glimmers?

Proactively exploring our glimmers helps us unleash our complete potential and serve as a source of inspiration for others. Here are ways to find the glimmers in your everyday activities.

• Practice mindfulness: When fully present in the moment, you can notice even the smallest positive experiences, which are easy to overlook when you’re preoccupied. Mindfulness offers a much-welcomed pause.
• Identify positive triggers: Pay attention to the activities or situations that tend to bring a smile to your face or a sense of contentment. Identifying them allows you to then actively seek them out.
• Reflect on what brought you joy in the past: Think back to times when you felt genuinely happy or hopeful. What were the circumstances? What were you doing at the time? Revisiting such memories can provide insight into what brings you joy. That joy can help you find more glimmers.
• Set positive intentions: Start your day with a positive intention. Even small moments of positivity can significantly influence your mental and emotional state. Studies show that regularly experiencing positive emotions can enhance your physical health, reduce stress, and even prolong your life. Looking for and appreciating even the littlest positive experiences can help you notice more glimmers.
• Start a gratitude journal: Regularly write down things you’re grateful for. The practice can shift your focus toward the positive aspects of your life.
• Connect with supportive people: Surround yourself with friends and family who provide emotional support and positivity. The presence and encouragement of supportive people can help you access glimmers.
• Do activities you enjoy: Be intentional about making time for hobbies and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Doing what you love can create opportunities for glimmers to emerge.
• Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself, especially in difficult times. Treating yourself with compassion can help you recognize and appreciate moments of self-care and self-love.
• Seek professional help if needed: If you’re struggling with accessing glimmers due to persistent negative emotions, consider seeking professional help from therapists, counselors, or life coaches. Such professionals can guide you in developing personalized strategies to overcome negativity and cultivate a more positive outlook.

Identifying your glimmers is a journey, and it may take time and self-reflection. Be patient with yourself and embrace the process. Once you discover your glimmers, you can nurture and pursue them to bring more joy and fulfillment into your life.

References

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0031938403001562…

https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393712377

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28789793/

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• In the age of viral videos, we tend to either condemn or offer condescending pity to others.
• A fuller notion of compassion involves imagining our way into the minds of our fellow sufferers.
• Literature opens us to the possibility of seeing the world through other perspectives.
• Cultivating such an ability enables us to be more compassionate for our clients and for one another.

In The Unbearable Lightness of Being, the 20^th century Czech novelist Milan Kundera unpacks the etymology of the word “compassion.” Languages that derive their understanding of compassion from Latin (com-, “with”; passio, “suffering”) tend to view compassion as synonymous with pity. Understood as such, compassion is the recognition of another’s suffering at a distance, a sympathy that looks on from without. For Kundera, such a disposition “connotes a certain condescension towards the sufferer. ‘To take pity on a woman’ means that we are better off than she, that we stoop to her level, lower ourselves.”

In contrast, languages such as Czech, Polish, German, and Swedish form their words for compassion by combining an equivalent prefix with a word that means “feeling.” Compassion thus becomes a kind of co-feeling or feeling with that enables one “to feel what wretches feel,” as Shakespeare’s King Lear puts it. Such an art of emotional telepathy, Kundera says, is the supreme virtue, “the maximal capacity of affective imagination.” It is the empathic ability to think one’s way into the minds of others and spend time walking around in their shoes.

In the age of viral videos and identity politics, when media is ubiquitous and increasingly designed to generate clicks, this fuller form of compassion seems to be on the wane. We are bombarded daily with images of cruelty, injustice, and the callousness of human affairs. Corporations and politicians fuel our desire for spectacle in an effort to monopolize our attention. Who can resist such alluring sights and love the sinner while hating the sin, as Gandhi (following the medieval theologian St. Augustine) suggests? What is more, who would want to? The sin, after all, is repugnant and it is constantly being thrust before us. What role does “co-feeling” play in a world of violence and iniquity?

Mental health clinicians are confronted each day with stories of meanness, abuse, and neglect. We treat the ravages of trauma and attend to the destruction that profound suffering leaves in its wake.

And while our clients are often the victims of unspeakable tragedies, they are also often the authors of the pain and sorrow that they experience. To say this is to acknowledge the complex humanity of the sufferers we meet. It is to be honest about the agency and lack thereof that exist side by side in the messiness of human existence. Yet acknowledgement and honesty are hardly enough.

In his recent writing on trauma, the Irish philosopher Richard Kearney speaks of the significance of “wounded healers,” those capable of healing others because they themselves carry similar wounds. The examples Kearney uses to illustrate this point – Odysseus, Oedipus, Jacob, Christ – come to us by way of literature. This is no mere coincidence. Standing athwart the all-too-human tendencies to demonize and condemn or sympathize and offer condescending pity, great works of literature remind us of the humanity of others by allowing us to imagine our way into their woundedness and hear their stories from within.

Consider an example from a classic work of Russian literature. Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment centers on the murder of a miserly old pawnbroker by an ill-humored law student named Raskolnikov. Neither the victim nor her killer starts out as a particularly sympathetic character, the former being a crass penny pincher, the latter being so convinced of his Napoleonic greatness that he has no problem spilling blood.

As we follow Raskolnikov, however, and witness his story progress from the time leading up to murder to his mental breakdown that follows to his arrest, conviction, and incarceration, we learn to see him not as some irredeemable fiend but as a complex human being driven by forces and desires that affect us all.

The catalyst for this conversion is Raskolnikov’s story. Were we to be given a diagnosis up front – throughout the novel, various psychologists testify to his “temporary insanity,” “morbid monomania,” and “hypochondriac state of mine” – we would not see through the criminal and deranged behavior to the fellow sufferer hidden beneath.

Rather, it is by witnessing Raskolnikov’s care for the dying Marmeladov (an unlikable character in his own right whose anguish comes to inspire a similar empathetic turn in readers) that we begin to see him not as a murderer but as a man. It is by imaginatively entering into his desperation and destitution, his love for his sister, his harrowing dreams set near the graveyard in which his infant brother lies, his genius and his pride, the mercy he receives from Sonya and the humility it takes to accept it – it is by walking alongside him with co-feeling, as those also wounded by this life, that we begin to understand.

The power of literature resides in this: it teaches compassion where the world tells us to pity or condemn. Imagine a world in which Raskolnikov is being judged on social media. Imagine the vitriol and the rage. Now imagine Raskolnikov seeking psychological care. Would he be better served by someone ready to listen, to hear his story and enter it alongside him, or by someone who pities him from without, maintaining the sterile distance of the expert, unmoved by a fellow sufferer’s wounds?

Dostoevsky provides an answer. For while he is quick to caution against identifying too closely with another’s feelings – as Ivan notes in The Brothers Karamazov, “another man will never be able to know the degree of my suffering, because he is another and not me” – Crime and Punishment offers us the compassion of Sonya, a woman who, forced by her own poverty into a life of bondage and ill repute, is able to feel what Raskolnikov feels and thus reveal him to himself.

In Sonya, Raskolnikov finds the compassion of a wounded healer. And if we learn to be attentive readers, perhaps we can too.

References

Dostoyevsky, F. (2002). The Brothers Karamazov: a novel in four parts with epilogue. Trans. Pevear & Volokhonsky. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Dostoyevsky, F. (1993). Crime and Punishment: a novel in six parts with epilogue. Trans. Pevear & Volokhonsky. Vintage Books.

Kearney. R. (2021). Touch: Recovering Our Most Vital Sense. Columbia University Press.

Kundera. M. (1987). The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Trans. Heim. Harper & Row.

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During Halloween time, we’re confronted with a lot of images and experiences meant to terrify us. Some of the things we encounter are objectively terrifying. For example, it’s not hard to understand why a man in a hockey mask holding a chainsaw evokes a feeling of fear when we see it. While many of our scary Halloween paradigms are objectively frightening, there are many prototypical Halloween characters that we find quite creepy, even though they are not necessarily objectively terrifying. For example, this weekend I took my teenage son to a haunted house, and the whole way there he kept saying, “I hope there’s no clowns… I hope there’s no clowns…”. Many people can relate to this — feeling that clowns are just creepy and frightening — but why? Clowns, as well as several other scary Halloween characters like zombies, don’t display the clear signs of danger that are designed to frighten us, so why do we find them so creepy?

An answer to this question comes from a better understanding of the way our brain processes interactions with social targets. Specifically, research exploring the way that humans interact with machines and AI has documented the phenomenon known as the Uncanny Valley, and the Uncanny Valley can help explain our aversion to Halloween characters like clowns and zombies. What the Uncanny Valley tells us is that there is a positive linear relationship between how human-like something is, and how comfortable we are interacting with it. So, we find it more comfortable to interact with a lifelike cartoon character than we do with a stick figure, because a lifelike cartoon is more human-like than a stick figure. Similarly, we find it more comfortable to interact with a real human than we do a lifelike cartoon character, for the same reason. Essentially, the more human-like something is, the more we like interacting with it — with an important exception.

The term Uncanny Valley refers to a steep drop in our comfort interacting with something that is nearly human, but not quite. A good example of the Uncanny Valley and how it informs the way we experience social targets is the CGI movie The Polar Express. The CGI characters in The Polar Express were quite human-like; yet they still lacked realism on several important dimensions, and many people were left with the feeling that the movie was “creepy” and “terrifying”. This state of being nearly human-like, but not quite, is actually worse than being clearly un-human. For example, normal cartoon characters, which are far less human-like than the CGI characters in The Polar Express, are generally not considered creepy. This highlights how it’s almost human, but not quite, that we have trouble with.

And, this can help explain why we find certain Halloween characters, like clowns and zombies, so downright creepy! Clowns, for example, are nearly human-like, but because of their face paint, and in some cases the way they move and talk, they often seem not quite human. Similarly, zombies, who have many human-like features but typically move somewhat differently than humans and in many cases have different eyes than a real human, also fall into this “almost there but not quite” area. Additionally, in some scary movies, the scary character looks human-like, but moves differently. For example, stop-motion techniques can make it look like a character is moving too quickly, or too slowly (or both). We find this scary for the same reason the Uncanny Valley says we should dislike clowns — because the character moves in an almost (but not quite) human-like way.

In short, research on human-machine interactions has documented the phenomenon of the Uncanny Valley, which describes how we are uncomfortable interacting with entities that are nearly human but not quite. We’re actually more comfortable interacting with entities that are less human-like, because they don’t trigger our expectations that the entity should look and act like a real human (i.e., it’s clear to us that Homer Simpson isn’t a real human). This phenomenon can help us understand why we find clowns and zombies so creepy, because they are pretty close to human, but not quite.

References

Burleigh, T. J., & Schoenherr, J. R. (2015). A reappraisal of the uncanny valley: categorical perception or frequency-based sensitization?. Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 1488.

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• So many people are feeling emotionally overwhelmed in the face of world events.
• Finding ways to regulate our nervous systems can be an important first step.
• From there we can more effectively process our emotions and find some sense of personal agency.

If you are struggling deeply with recent world events, you are certainly not alone. I have been alive on this planet for over five decades and somehow these last recent years have felt like some of the most challenging — collectively and on a global scale — that I can remember in my lifetime. As a psychologist I am privy to the inner emotions of many, and with recent world events I know that many people are suffering greatly, trying to grapple with how to cope with fear, helplessness, anger, outrage, and deep loss, among other inner experiences. In the face of all that is around us, I find myself wondering:

• How do we grapple with the enormity of emotions that so many of us are experiencing right now — and that so many have experienced in recent years given world events?
• How do we find a way to keep our hearts open and not be overwhelmed or stuck in grief, outrage, sadness, anger or other emotions?
• How do we not retreat, bury our heads in the sand, or disconnect entirely from what is happening around us, and yet still find a way to move forward and show up most effectively in our lives?

I don’t purport to have all the answers to these big questions, but I can share a few things that have been helpful for me both personally and in my work with patients.

How to keep anchored in the face of difficult world events and our own painful emotions

1. One of the things I try to remind myself of frequently is that a nervous system out of balance and in a state of protection (e.g., “fight, flight or freeze”) does not have access to the same inner resources as a nervous system that is more regulated.

When our bodies (via our autonomic nervous system) become thrown out of balance, it is common to experience anxiety, worry, stress, overwhelm, anger, and outrage, especially in the face of so much personal and collective stress and heartache that so many of us feel. This is not a problem in and of itself to feel this. It is an adaptive and evolutionary response of our bodies to try and fight, flee, or shut down in the service of “protection from threat.” Sometimes this is an inevitable or even necessary response, but when we get stuck there and can’t find our way back to regulation, this can become more problematic and pose challenges for us. When our nervous system is dysregulated, we don’t have as much access to our “social engagement system” and we tend to feel more isolated, experience tunnel vision, feel scattered, stuck, helpless or alone. In contrast, when our nervous system is regulated and in balance, it is easier to experience a sense of connection with others, compassion, care, curiosity, clarity, perspective, and the ability to think more expansively.

What can we do?

As meditation teacher Susan Morgan says often, once we become aware that our nervous system has been thrown off balance, we can “ground, breathe, calm, settle and soothe.” We can steady and stabilize our nervous system, like a ship at harbor dropping its anchor to keep it from being swept away by the storms.

Last night in the middle of the night, when I woke up with so much heartache and feeling overwhelmed, I found myself instinctually putting one hand on my heart and one hand on my abdomen. I started taking long slow breaths and extending my exhalation. I brought awareness to the sense of support underneath me. I reminded myself that taking time to soothe and steady myself would help me be more effective in my choices and give my body the energy it needs to act in ways consistent with my values.

Sometimes self-soothing might be more active, such as listening to music, taking a warm bath, reaching out to a friend, or going for a walk in nature.

Sometimes, especially for those who may suffer from anxiety or trauma, working with a skilled therapist can be very helpful in learning how to help regulate the nervous system.

2. Once we feel steadier within, we can make some space for our difficult emotions.

This is not always so easy and needs to be done with care, awareness, and some titration (touching into painful emotions only if/when we feel steady enough to handle them and making sure to go back to step one as often as needed). Suppressing or avoiding our unpleasant emotions can have negative physical and psychological effects on our well-being, but being flooded by our emotions is also not helpful. So there is a delicate balance to pay attention to here.

What can we do?

Some ways to make space for our difficult emotions include practicing mindfulness, journaling, reaching out to a friend, or seeking social support in a community setting of some kind. Acknowledging your feelings, meeting yourself where you are (not trying to feel different than you do), and giving your emotions some space to be felt and processed from a grounded nervous system can be helpful.

Additionally, we can invite more expansive emotions (e.g., care, self-compassion, self-kindness, a sense of caring from others) to sit side-by-side with our more difficult emotions, to make them easier to bear (something I write about in my forthcoming book).

3. Find some sense of personal agency, however small.

I am reminded of the quote by Edward Everett Hale: “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.”

What can we do?

While small acts might feel insignificant, doing something matters. And it may matter more than you realize. Some people find personal agency in donating to others in need, volunteering for something they care about, or joining a committee aimed at positive change.

One of the things that we can all do is to commit to spreading compassion in the world on a small scale, (e.g., whether to our family, friends, neighbors, community, or the strangers we meet in our day-to-day interactions). In the face of hatred, heartache and anger, compassion (the desire to, and intention to act to relieve the suffering of another) can help counter a feeling of helplessness and can bring some positive energy into the lives of others and in turn the world.

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We are often inundated by fear. Fear is doled out by politicians to influence people. Advertisers peddle fear to keep people buying their products and services. Some media outlets lead with it to build audiences and sell more ad space. Doomsayers, prognosticators, and conspiracy theorists spread it to gather followers and create audiences for their products and services.

Every day in the media we are exposed to negative news and scary stories that make us anxious or worse including:

Political Fear: government corruption, political division, civil unrest, political violence.

War Fear: nuclear war, biological war, EMP attack (electromagnetic pulse), terrorism, WWIII.

Health Fear: disease, injury, inadequate healthcare, poor access to healthcare, high costs.

Financial Fear: economic collapse, inflation, recession, stock market crash, high-interest rates.

Environmental Fear: air and water pollution, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, droughts, wildfires.

Employment Fear: layoffs, job loss to automation, not having enough money to pay bills, debt.

Crime Fear: scams, identity theft, home invasion, mugging, carjacking, mass shooting.

The simplest solution is to tune out the fear by turning off your TV and avoiding the news. When you can’t avoid negative news, creativity can help you deal with fear. When you develop your creative thinking skills you may begin to see things in different ways including new paths away from that which is scaring you.

There are six keys to developing your creativity. Each of them is necessary in order to solve problems and generate new ideas. Maybe you will create a new plan to end corruption, a new technique to clean the environment, a new method for increasing prosperity, or a new strategy to keep people safe. Some of these keys are skills while others are habits, but all of them contribute to a creative mind.

6 Keys to Creativity

1. Using curiosity creatively is when your inquisitiveness guides you to look for new connections or when you combine two or more existing concepts into a new idea. Curiosity is wondering what a different world might look like and then thinking about how you might achieve it. Perhaps it’s a world that doesn’t have so many alarming issues in it; where people unite in peaceful consensual exchange instead of engaging in force or fraud.

2. Questioning authority is all about challenging the status quo. Critical thinking is one of the first steps in creativity because it encourages you to question the way things are done. You might ask questions like: “Why do we do things this way?” “Wouldn’t it be better if we tried doing it another way?” Creativity develops your critical thinking skills, so you are less likely to be troubled and bamboozled by charlatans.

3. Trying new things such as exposing yourself to new experiences and different viewpoints. By opening your mind to new stimuli, you literally lay down new neural pathways in your brain. It’s called neuroplasticity, and when you learn or experience something new you create new connections between brain cells and open new channels of thought. Then, when you are confronted by problems (scary or not), you have that extra brainpower and data ready to assist you.

4. Taking risks along with a willingness to break rules can reveal less daunting or more positive probabilities. The people on Maui who were willing to break the rules and drive around the police roadblocks survived the 2023 fire. There is an old proverb that says, “No risk — no reward.” It’s true; the biggest risk is never taking one, because without risk you won’t find alternative options and opportunities.

5. Getting a different perspective by learning to look at things in different ways will enable you to see new ways of doing things. It can take some practice to develop a habit of viewing things from a different perspective. However, until you do, there are dozens of techniques for stimulating it artificially. My favorite is to identify a problem and then ask, “What would I do if the opposite were true?” By changing the paradigm, you abandon old assumptions and methodologies, which then forces you to consider new models and frameworks.

6. Using imagination is the heart of creativity. It is natural to imagine that something can be nicer, faster, stronger, cleaner, tastier, and safer. Imagination enables us to create a better world to live in (or help us solve the problems we are dealing with). It’s also a great way to stop worrying and overcome fear. The trick is to replace negative thinking with positive thinking. Visualize a better outcome and focus on it daily (meditate on it or daydream about it) and then observe what your creative mind does with it.

Developing these skills and habits can liberate you from fear because they empower you to do more and be more.

Creativity Helps You Recognize Alternatives

I’ve noticed lately that news stories of food shortages and other products becoming unavailable have been making people nervous and causing some to start hoarding. Creativity is the best cure for fear of scarcity. Your ingenuity helps you see alternatives. There are always substitutes available if you are open-minded. When you engage your creative brain and look for other options you will be amazed at how resourceful you can be and what you will discover.

I have found that the excitement of getting into the creative process, in and of itself, tends to erase fear. Change doesn’t seem so scary when you realize that it is enhancing your adaptability skills which are extremely important in the digital age. Embracing creativity makes you more mindful; it enables you to live in the present and focus on what you can do right now so that you don’t freak out about the future.

Creativity Builds Self-Confidence

Finally, when you begin to successfully use your creative thinking skills, it will increase your self-confidence. You will know that when a difficult or frightening situation occurs, you will be able to handle it.

References

2023 Chapman University Survey of American Fears https://www.chapman.edu/wilkinson/research-centers/babbie-center/survey…

How Novel Activities Support Neuroplasticity:

1. Vemuri P, Lesnick TG, Przybelski SA, et al. Association of lifetime intellectual enrichment with cognitive decline in the older population. JAMA Neurol. 2014;71(8):1017-24. doi:10.1001/jamaneurol.2014.963

2. Kaczmarek B. Current views on neuroplasticity: What is new and what is old?. Acta Neuropsychologica. 2020;18(1):1-14. doi:10.5604/01.3001.0013.8808

3. Association of Lifetime Intellectual Enrichment with Cognitive Decline in the Older Population. Prashanthi Vemuri, PhD1; Timothy G. Lesnick, MS2; Scott A. Przybelski, BS2; et al Mary Machulda, PhD, LP3; David S. Knopman, MD4; Michelle M. Mielke, PhD2; Rosebud O. Roberts, MB, ChB2,4; Yonas E. Geda, MD3,5,6; Walter A. Rocca, MD, MPH2,4; Ronald C. Petersen, PhD, MD4; Clifford R. Jack Jr, MD1 JAMA Neurol. 2014;71(8):1017-1024. doi:10.1001/jamaneurol.2014.963, August 2014

4. C. Lappe, S.C. Herholz, L.J. Trainor, C. Pantev, J. Neurosci. 28 (2008) 9632–9639.

5. C. Pantev, C. Lappe, S.C. Herholz, L. Trainor, Ann. N. Y. Acad. Sci. 1169 (2009) 143–150.

6. Q. Li, X. Wang, S. Wang, Y. Xie, X. Li, Y. Xie, S. Li, Hum. Brain Mapp. 39 (2018) 2098–2110.

7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/neuroplasticity

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Mental health conditions are common. One in five U.S. adults experience a mental illness and global estimates show at least 50 percent of us will experience a mental health condition in our lifetime. Decades of research have documented the relationship between parental mental health and that of their children: The mechanisms are complex and include hereditary factors (genetic and historical trauma, for example) as well as social-environmental factors, such as stress, financial stability, and the neighborhoods we live in. Parenthood is an incredibly important gift. Yet society does not meaningfully support families experiencing mental illnesses. I spoke with three mental-health advocates who are also parents living with mental health conditions. Here is some of the wisdom shared.

Prioritize self-awareness, self-love, and self-care

As parents, we are often bombarded with messages that we must sacrifice endlessly to give our kids the best life possible. This message has been exponentially harmful to women and primary caregivers who often give up careers, health, and relationships to be there for their kids. These actions often leave us depleted, resentful, and not the best version of ourselves. All of the parents I spoke to referred to the importance of learning what kind of “me time” was needed to support their mental health and how this practice of self-love and self-care resulted in better parenting and family relationships.

For Devika Bhushan, a pediatrician, immigrant, and mother who lives openly with bipolar disorder, sleep has to be prioritized. Inadequate sleep is a well-known trigger for mood episodes in bipolar disorder. She and her husband, Ashish, have created a collaborative team approach, in which her husband ensures that he is available for overnight and early morning needs for their toddler. In turn, her husband can take breaks in the evening, while she spends one-on-one bonding time with her toddler; as she says, “Setting things up in this way helps to ensure that I’m my best and healthiest self as much of the time as I can be — and able to be the best parent and partner that I can possibly be.”

Empowering kids by keeping them informed

Parents spoke about being conscious of their children’s chronological and developmental age, both of which can impact their ability to understand the information provided to them. All three advocates said that they have or will inform their children about their mental-health condition and how it impacts their functioning. The decision to disclose such information to a child may be influenced by the severity of the condition and symptoms a parent experiences. For Bhushan, it is important that her toddler understands why he is not allowed to wake mommy up in the morning; he is also aware that his mother takes medication every day and needs it to stay healthy.

Sulman Mirza, a triple-board-certified psychiatrist who is active on social media (@sulmoney), says he has not yet disclosed his diagnosis of Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder to his four children, but he plans to use his personal narrative to promote their understanding of their own mental-health needs, if they should arise. He acknowledges the impact of mental illness and even intergenerational trauma on how parents raise their children, stating that he wants kids to know that “your parents are human beings who are trying their best, and they have their own struggles, but it (hopefully) does not make them love or care for you less.”

Growing wiser through struggles

The idea of post-traumatic growth helps us understand that struggles can come with wisdom, strength, and power. In the case of experiencing a mental illness, these parents said that their own experiences with missed diagnoses, and their impact on their functioning and overall health have created a helpful level of awareness about their kids’ needs and development, giving them the opportunity to support their children’s mental-health needs holistically, compassionately and as early as possible. Ashley Perkins is a pharmacist, educator, mental health advocate, and co-founder of We Matter Too. She also lives with PTSD, ADHD, and autism. “I think all of this has made me a more compassionate parent given my child is more than likely autistic and has ADHD as well,” she says.

Sharing collective wisdom

Using our lived experience to empower other parents is one way to be a mental health advocate and promote family health. Mirza reminds us, “You’re not alone. Parenting is a hard period, and adding in mental illness makes it harder. But it’s still doable.” He also wants parents to know that “It is not a guarantee that your kids will have the same conditions you have” but your experience gives you the wisdom to engage in prevention efforts and support them if they do develop a condition.

Perkins reminds us: “Sharing parts of your reality, which includes the challenges you go through, is okay because it allows your partner and your child to understand what it is you are dealing with. This allows them to support you. When you explain things to children in a way they understand, they grasp the concepts well. It also invites an environment of acceptance regarding mental health, and they will be more likely to open up to you when they are struggling because they know you understand.”

eamwork, perseverance, and creativity are important ingredients to make all of this work. Bhushan says: “You absolutely can be an incredible parent and partner with a well-managed chronic health condition, such as bipolar disorder. It just means you have to be willing to think creatively and put in constant work to prioritize your well-being so that you can be the best version of yourself, for your loved ones as well as for yourself.”

Teamwork, perseverance, and creativity are important ingredients to make all of this work. Bhushan says: “You absolutely can be an incredible parent and partner with a well-managed chronic health condition, such as bipolar disorder. It just means you have to be willing to think creatively and put in constant work to prioritize your well-being so that you can be the best version of yourself, for your loved ones as well as for yourself.”

Kids are capable of compassion and understanding if we give them the opportunity.

Kids are smart and perceptive. They pick up on changes in their parents’ mood and stress levels. Including them in tough conversations, in a developmentally appropriate way, can be an empowering experience for them to learn about health promotion from an early age. This can foster compassion and kindness, which they can extend to themselves and others around them. Perkins says that sharing about her mental health conditions with her son normalizes the full range of the human experience, ultimately opening up the space for him to share his own worries and struggles. She also notes that being open about her need to prioritize her health helps her son understand that it is not a lack of desire that prevents her from being with him at times, and instead helps him be more understanding about the differing needs of others when navigating meaningful relationships. Perkins’ son, Wyatt, wants other kids to know that “I love my mom no matter what” and that he appreciates being informed about his mom’s struggles. Perkins also reminds us that these conversations are ongoing and can be challenging, so make sure to remind kids that asking questions is always okay.

This post is also published on the TEKU Healing Corner Blog.

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If you practice mindfulness meditation, you probably know that it can lower your stress level, reduce anxiety, and improve low moods. You might also be aware of its health-improving properties. According to the National Institutes of Health, mindfulness meditation may be able to reduce your blood pressure, help you cope with chronic pain, and even make it easier to fall asleep at night. But did you also know that by meditating, you’re also developing cognitive skills that can enhance the benefits of psychotherapy?

When you meditate — and by “meditate” I’m referring to mindfulness meditation, with no disrespect intended toward other forms of meditation — you probably focus on an ongoing, present stimulus such as your breathing. You might choose some other consistent sound in your environment, like street noise, wind through tree branches, or even the hum of an air conditioner. hat these stimuli have in common is that their presence continues from the immediate past into the present moment, and can help you draw your attention to the now. No matter what has distracted you, when you’re meditating and you catch your attention drifting away, you can always return to that ongoing, current stimulus because it’s always there to come back to.

And when you redirect your attention this way, you’ve probably learned to do it nonjudgmentally, with no particular frustration or sense of burden. No matter how many times you get distracted — no matter how often you need to bring your attention back to the present — you’ll need to do it without punishing yourself. This is part of the job of meditation: choosing not to be frustrated with minor diversions, but just catching your thoughts if they’ve wandered, and bringing them back to your focal point once again.

Learning to do this can take patience. It also requires the ability to stand back from your own thoughts and feelings, lest they overcome your intentions and sweep you away from your meditative focus. Perhaps the best analogy might be sitting on the bank of a river as boats and other objects float by. You’re not in the river; you’re watching it flow, just as you can watch your thoughts and feelings drift into, and then out of, your awareness. You know, even as you notice these items coming into view, that the river will soon carry them away again, and that you don’t need to take action at this moment. This sense of distance from your thoughts and feelings, no matter how strong they are, can help you avoid being swept up in the current of emotion caused by a passion or a frustration, or distracted by the thought of a pressing problem. When you notice that your meditative state has been disrupted by one of these ostensibly urgent thoughts or feelings, you simply recognize it and let it float away, down the river.

These skills and abilities — the ability to stay present, to gain distance on your thoughts and feelings, and to correct yourself non-judgmentally — can also accelerate the benefits of psychotherapy. For example, in therapy you may be confronted with difficult memories, turbulent feelings, or perspectives that challenge your outlook. You may be told you’re struggling with chronic, intrusive thoughts or critical self-judgments — possibly the introjected relics of a significant relationship in your past. You might even come to realize that you are contributing more to your own problems than you’ve previously understood. Challenging moments like this can be hard to accept, and difficult to comfortably sit through. But if you’ve developed your ability to stay present, and to tolerate the stimuli that intrude upon the present moment, you may be better at hearing your therapist’s interpretations without rejecting them. This meditation-therapy connection was identified in a 2007 study by Daniel Siegel, who found that the self-observation developed in meditation could change the brain, loosening the connections established by prior learning and allowing new input — that of the present moment — to be integrated in a new way. In other words, as Siegel sees it, being present gives you new tools to understand yourself and helps you to unlearn your prior, potentially mistaken assumptions.

Similarly, meditation skills can help you cope with the intrusive comments or interruptions posed in therapy by a person other than your therapist: yourself. People who habitually criticize themselves can have trouble hearing alternative interpretations, or thinking about themselves in ways other than the harsh ones they’ve learned. Now consider how much easier it might be to cope with this kind of regular self-criticism if you’ve developed the ability to gain distance on your own thoughts, as you do when you meditate. You’ll have learned to view these habitual, critical “voices” as something separate from yourself, and you’d be better able to protect your own self-esteem by recognizing the intruding thoughts as alien and unwanted, and responding to them in an appropriate, nonjudgmental way. In a 2012 article, Davis & Hayes referred to this process as “metacognitive awareness,” and linked it to improvements in emotion regulation and reductions in perseveration cognition. These changes, Davis & Hayes concluded, can help you build better emotion regulation skills.

I’ve often heard it said that there are three main goals of psychotherapy: to develop insights into yourself, to accept what you learn, and to regulate the emotions that you feel in response. If that’s true, then the skill-building inherent in regular mindfulness meditation practice can help your therapy succeed in all three ways.

References

Davis, D. M. & Hayes, J. A. (2012). What are the benefits of mindfulness. Monitor on Psychology, 43(7), 64-76.

Farb NA, Anderson AK, Mayberg H, Bean J, McKeon D, Segal ZV. (2010). Minding one’s emotions: mindfulness training alters the neural expression of sadness. Emotion. 10(1):25-33.

Ortner, C.N.M., Kilner, S.J. & Zelazo, P.D. (2007). Mindfulness meditation and reduced emotional interference on a cognitive task. Motivation and Emotion, 31, 271–283

Siegel, D. J. (2007). Mindfulness training and neural integration: differentiation of distinct streams of awareness and the cultivation of well-being. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. 2(4): 259–263.

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There are many good reasons to complain about human foresight. For one thing, we are often lousy at taking a longer view, being guided instead by the prospects of a quick buck, the whims of the daily news cycle, or likes on social media. We persistently predict our projects will be finished within budget and on time, even if our rosy forecasts have often been wrong before. And we tend to expect that negative events, say, falling off a ladder, are less likely to happen to us than they actually are. Much of what comes to pass we do not foresee, and much of what we foresee does not come to pass.

Throughout history, humans have conjured up audacious strategies to help them peek ahead in time. An entire alphabet’s worth of fortune-telling methods abounds, from abacomancy—reading the future in the dirt, sand, smoke, or ashes—to zoomancy—reading it from the behavior of birds, ants, goats, or donkeys. What these “-mancies” have in common, of course, is that they do not work as advertised.

Examples of our failures to foresee remain all around us, and they can have tragic consequences for us individually and also for our planet more broadly. When the inventor Thomas Midgley Jr., for instance, introduced lead to gasoline and chlorofluorocarbon to refrigerators, he failed to foresee that within a few decades, these would turn out to be two of the worst pollutants in history.

We are not clairvoyants, but…

You may well be left wondering how our shoddy forecasting capacities could have possibly evolved. What’s the point of so much miscalculation? In our recent book—The Invention of Tomorrow: A Natural History of Foresight—Jon Redshaw, Adam Bulley, and I argue that—paradoxically—much of the strength of foresight comes from our very awareness of its limits.

Because we know we don’t know exactly what the future holds, this drives us to make contingency plans and to innovate ways to tip fortune in our favor. Though we may all have a Plan A, say for our careers, we also understand that events may turn out differently from what we imagined: Our company could go bust, we might get bored, or we could be hit by a bus. So, we put money aside for a rainy day, keep an eye on other opportunities, and purchase comprehensive life insurance packages. People sign prenups and set up fire extinguishers for when they might be needed, all the while hoping they never will be.

Hedging her bets, Nina holds out two hands to make sure she catches the dropping prize.

Source: Thomas Suddendorf

Considering multiple possibilities is essential to effective foresight

Take a simple psychology experiment from our research group where we drop a marble into a vertical tube with two exits at the bottom, like an upside-down Y, and ask a participant to catch it. To prepare for the drop, 2-year-old children tend to cover only one or the other exit, which means they catch the marble only some of the time. But by age 4, children instantly cover their bases and hold one hand under each of the exits, ensuring they will catch the prize regardless of where it falls. Even preschoolers know that the future is uncertain and prepare for more than one possibility.

When we giveWhen we give this task to chimpanzees, orangutans, and various monkeys, dropping a grape into the forked tube, they act like young toddlers and tend to cover just one exit. They don’t seem to know that their prediction could be wrong. There is as yet no compelling evidence that nonhuman animals, even our closest living great ape relatives, can foresee mutually exclusive possibilities and prepare accordingly.

Because humans can conceive of multiple versions of the future branching from the present, we can compare our options to select the best one. This capacity has far-reaching implications, not just in enabling contingency planning. It gives us our intuitive sense of “free will”—our (some would say fanciful) impression that we are the masters of our destiny. People tend to treasure this notion. Although it’s not always obvious which path is best, it is empowering to think we are the ones behind the wheel.

Foresight has changed the world

Since we realize that our predictions might be wrong, we can also set out to test them—a process that scientists exploit to a powerful effect. Experiments and observations give rise to theories, which lead to predictions that are then tested with further experiments and observations. If the predictions turn out to be wrong, scientists try to devise a better theory to explain the unexpected observations, which then leads to new predictions and tests. And so on. With this simple cycle—essentially an error-correction mechanism—the collaborative scientific endeavor has resulted in giant strides in our understanding of the world and our capacity to predict what lies ahead.

Today, many scientific forecasts indicate that we are facing dramatic challenges—pollution, climate change, and mass extinctions, to name but a few—that will require complex plans and concerted efforts to address.

As presumably the only animal on the planet capable of foreseeing alternative long-term consequences of their actions, we have choices faced by no other creature. Our farsightedness burdens us, and us alone, with responsibility. And unless we want to go the way of the dodo, it will pay to cover our bases.

This article was adapted from The Invention of Tomorrow: A Natural History of Foresight by Thomas Suddendorf, Jonathan Redshaw, and Adam Bulley.

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Suicide and addiction. Too often, we hear these words in the same breath.

At face value, the connection feels logical. Think of celebrities who die by suicide—often there’s the implication, if not outright fact, of a struggle with substance misuse.

At the most basic level, “what suicidality and addiction share is the desire to escape from pain and distress,” says Michael Groat, Ph.D., director of psychology at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, CT. It’s pain that often draws from a shared landscape of suffering that includes childhood trauma and abuse, economic hardship, chronic physical pain, and mental health issues such as bipolar disorder and depression.

But what exactly is the link? And can suicidality or addiction actually lead to the other?

Not everyone with addiction issues contemplates suicide. And not everyone who contemplates or attempts suicide struggles with addiction. Often, however, the paths converge and feed a loop of misery.

“Someone may turn to an addictive substance or behavior as a way to cope with pain in their life. But addiction then creates its own negative cascade,” says Groat.

A person struggling with addiction may eventually lose their job, their relationships, and their home as their habit takes over their life. As their addiction deepens, the pain they feel may grow stronger. As a result, they may begin to see suicide as their only way to escape.

“If you talk to people who have reached the point of considering suicide, many don’t actually want to die. They want relief from their suffering,” Groat says.

STATISTICS ———————————–

Hard Facts About Substance Use Disorder and Suicide

Under the distorting and disinhibiting influence of addictive substances, people in their most desperate hours may then be more likely to take impulsive action. Indeed, acute alcohol intoxication is present in 30% to 40% of suicide attempts, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, and opioids are present in about 20% of people who die by suicide.

Next to depression and other mood disorders, substance use disorder is the top risk factor for suicide, according to SAMHSA. People who abuse alcohol and/or drugs attempt suicide six times more often than those in the general population.

While all substance use disorders are associated with heightened suicide risk, alcohol and opioid abuse are clear standouts, increasing a person’s likelihood of dying by suicide by 10 and 14 times, respectively, per a 2018 study published in American Journal of Psychiatry Residents’ Journal. Male deaths by suicide outnumber female by almost four to one generally, says SAMHSA.

Gambling, Sex Compulsion, and Suicide Risk

It’s not just addiction to substances that’s at issue. Addictive behaviors are strongly associated with suicide, too.

“A lot of people don’t think of problem gambling as an addiction because a person isn’t using a substance. But the effects of gambling addiction can be devastating,” says Shane W. Kraus, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Among those who seek treatment for problem gaming, as much as 30% report having made suicide attempts.

Even stronger links have been found between suicide and compulsive shopping and compulsive sexual behavior. Problem gaming, such as playing video games online, is a likely cause of suicidality as well, but more research is needed to be certain.

“People often drink excessively or use drugs to escape their problems. Addictive behaviors also provide a kind of distraction,” says Groat. “When you win while gambling or buy something new, it delivers that excitement, that needed hit of dopamine. In the short term, you don’t have to think about your issues. You don’t have to deal with your unhappiness. But over time, behavioral addictions make problems worse.”

Addiction, Mental Illness and Suicide

People have increasingly accepted evidence showing that mental illness is a disorder of the brain, not a personal frailty.

Addiction—specifically substance use disorder—falls under the umbrella of mental illness. As with other psychiatric disorders, a person’s risk of developing an addiction can be influenced by their genes, their own physical makeup, and their environment.

“Unfortunately, some people still believe addiction has to do with people’s moral failings. That’s why there’s still so much stigma around it and why a lot of people don’t seek help,” says Kraus.

Now consider these realities about the dangerous and common collision of addiction with other mental health disorders:

• 90% of people who die by suicide have one or more psychiatric disorders. Risk is highest among patients with mood disorders like bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, and substance use disorders.
• People with psychiatric disorders are also at much higher risk of addiction. Among people with a mood disorder, 32% are found to also have a substance use disorder. In the absence of effective treatment or before an illness is even identified, many self-medicate, “often turning to substances or engaging in activities like gambling as a way to find relief from their negative feelings,” says Groat.
• When mood disorder and substance use disorder coexist (called “comorbidity”), the risk for suicide escalates considerably. For instance, men with both depression and alcohol use disorder have the highest long-term risk of suicide of all groups, around 16%.

Other Risk Factors for Addiction and Suicide

Not everyone who struggles with addiction and becomes suicidal starts out with a diagnosable mental health issue.

For example, “a lot of young people might begin using drugs or gaming intensively as a way to cope with feeling lonely, sad, or anxious,” says Groat.

Poverty and abuse can also lead a basically healthy person to seek escape through addictive behaviors. Peer pressure, easy access to addictive substances, and exposure to family members with addiction issues can raise a person’s risk of turning to drugs, alcohol, and addictive behaviors, too.

Many people are able to dip into potentially destructive coping behaviors and eventually move past them. Or they avoid them all together.

“There are plenty of high-achieving people who come from a history of trauma and pain,” says Groat.

There are also people who get by with low-level substance use or compulsive behavioral disorders that detract from their life but don’t reach crisis levels. Think of functional alcohol misusers, who nip into the bottle throughout the day yet still manage to keep a job. Or a long-time gambler who might have had a nicer house or paid for his kids’ college had he not blown so much on craps.

But others may be more vulnerable and find it harder to control their use or behavior, probably by some combination of genetic vulnerability and environmental factors.

“They then get into a spiral that creates its own problems. And people who didn’t start out with a mental health issue may end up with one because of their addiction,” Groat says.

If left untreated and allowed to spiral, that combination of addiction and comorbid mental illness can then lead a person to a desperate point. And in many cases, that point can be thinking about or attempting suicide.

TREATMENT ———————————–

The Challenge of Finding Treatment for Suicidality and Addiction

Considering how closely linked addiction and suicide are, one might assume that treatment options are plentiful.

To some extent, that’s true for people who have suicidal ideation and are also struggling with behavioral addictions like gambling. Guided by a licensed practitioner, talk therapies like cognitive behavioral therapy can teach skills to reduce urges and help people replace unhealthy thoughts with positive or adaptive ones.

While there are currently no FDA-approved medications that specifically target addictive behaviors, emerging research has shown that some drugs can effectively reduce addictive urges. There are also peer-led support groups and treatment programs that specifically target behavioral addictions.

The same cannot be said, however, for suicidality and substance use disorder, despite how commonly these two issues co-occur.

Certainly, there are places and professionals that treat patients who are at risk of suicide. And there are counselors, peer-led support groups, and rehab facilities that deal with substance use disorder, increasingly with the help of medications that ease recovery by blocking cravings and eliminating withdrawal symptoms.

But people struggling with both suicidality and substance dependence too often find themselves “in a murky gray area,” says Groat.

Someone may be referred to a mental health provider for their suicidal ideation and to a substance abuse counselor to address their addiction. This may work in some cases, but often care can be fragmented and patients receive mixed messages and conflicting advice from their different providers.

What’s more, some mental health specialists and facilities require potentially suicidal individuals to first deal with their substance dependence before coming on as patients. But many inpatient and outpatient rehab facilities will not take patients who are actively suicidal.

The tragic result: Families trying to help loved ones with alcohol or drug and suicidal ideations may not know where to turn at their most desperate time.

“It’s a huge limitation of the mental health field and a symptom of our broken mental health care system,” says Groat.

What You Can Do ———————————–

The Best Approach to Co-Occurring Suicidality and Addiction

This doesn’t mean help can’t be found. It just means you have to know how and where to look for a facility or specialist that treats dual diagnoses or provides what’s called “co-occurring care.”

If matters aren’t immediately life threatening, you can see a primary care provider, emphasize that addiction and suicidality are both at issue, and ask for a referral to a place or person that provides co-occurring care.

If you don’t have or want to see a physician, call the National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, describe what’s going on, and ask for a referral to a place or specialist who can treat dual diagnoses.

Whichever way you go and whatever possibilities you find, “you need to ask questions,” says Groat. Ask what their experience is with comorbid suicidality and addiction. Ask if they take a dual approach to treatment and what that approach entails.

“There unfortunately isn’t a way that I know of to quickly identify who is most likely to provide this kind of care. But I find that many therapists who specialize in suicidal ideation are also used to working with people who have substance use issues,” says Groat. “I also find that a lot of people and places that treat bipolar disorder are accustomed to treating substance abuse and suicidality because both are relatively common among people with BPD.”

Psychology Today’s website has a directory of therapists who specialize in bipolar disorder, as well as directory of therapists who specialize in suicidal ideation. There’s also a directory of licensed therapists who specialize in substance use disorder. All can provide helpful leads.

It may take some effort to find it, but there is support out there that can help you deal with the vicious cycle of addiction and suicidality.

“If you are able to find someone who can listen and understand how bad you feel … a therapist who ‘gets’ you and doesn’t judge you for your addiction … and effective medication … it can change the course of your life,” says Groat.

If you or someone you care about is in immediate crisis and is actively planning to hurt themselves or attempt suicide, call 988, go to an emergency room, or call 911.

Notes: This article was originally published July 7, 2023 and most recently updated July 24, 2023.

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